


Brokenness as a Form of Art

by SuperUltraMeme



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, i didn't cry while writing this you did, so much pining bye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:36:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperUltraMeme/pseuds/SuperUltraMeme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It doesn't matter if you've been best friends your whole life. Some lines, once crossed, change everything.<br/>Oikawa makes a mistake he can't undo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brokenness as a Form of Art

_"I'm only honest when it rains_

_An open book with a torn-out page_

_And my ink runs out_

_I want to tell you but I don't know how_

_I want to love you but I don't know how"_  

* * *

 

Oikawa snapped out of his thoughts when his phone screen went dark. He tapped the screen to wake it up and stared at the text he needed to send. Well, it wasn't the text he _needed_ to send, but it was all he could write.

_I was so wrong_

He threw his phone onto the bed behind him and rested his chin on his knees. He couldn't think right now. He leaned against the wall and watched the rain mercilessly beat on the window. He wished he could go out in the rain and just melt away. He wished he could do anything other than sit here being miserable and trying to compose the simplest goddamn text.

He had been so wrong.

He tried to stop thinking about it, but every time he closed his eyes the memories hit him hard. The way he'd managed to coax a laugh out of his normally stoic best friend. Realizing his smile was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. His body seemed to move without permission, and the next thing Oikawa remembered was holding his best friend's hands to the club room wall as their lips met.

He was absolutely in love. He never planned on telling him or letting him figure it out. He didn't want to ruin their friendship. But the mixture of shock and fear in Iwaizumi's eyes as he broke the kiss told him everything.

It was over.

It doesn't matter if you've been best friends your whole life. Some lines, once crossed, change everything. Oikawa buried himself deeper into his hoodie, and watched the rain with stinging eyes. He glanced back to his phone, hoping maybe Iwaizumi would be the bigger man like he usually was and send the first text. He absolutely couldn't sit and wait any longer, but he also couldn't type "I'm sorry" and hit send.

Oikawa tried to focus on something else, anything. But his mind kept getting dragged back. Where did those seconds go? Why couldn't he stop himself? What if Iwaizumi never spoke to him again? How could they play volleyball together with all of this between them? He felt like he had ruined not just himself, but the team. You can't play volleyball if your setter and ace refuse to communicate.

Oikawa sunk deeper and deeper into despair and the floor until he was laying on his back looking at the old glow-in-the-dark stickers peppering his ceiling.

And just like that, the first tear fell. Several others followed, streaming slowly down his face. He didn't try to wipe them away or stop. He just accepted them.

His phone buzzed, causing him to jump. He grabbed it off the bed, and his heart caught in his throat when he saw who the text was from. When he unlocked his phone, he realized he had accidentally sent his sad excuse of an apology text. Iwaizumi had replied, "You know, you're usually supposed to ask a guy out first." Oikawa dried his face. Could it be Iwaizumi wasn't as mad as he thought he'd be?

- _I'm really sorry Iwa-chan. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable_

- _Not uncomfortable so much as surprised_

- _I'm sorry_

His phone stayed silent for several minutes. Was that all? Were they ok now? Oikawa was growing irritable from the waiting and uncertainty. Finally his phone buzzed once more.

- _Look I don't want this to get in the way of our friendship, because you're still my idiot best friend. We can move past it as long as things stay purely platonic between us._

So that was it. Oikawa knew his feelings weren't reciprocated, but it was so much harder hearing it spelled out for him. But he absolutely could not make Iwaizumi feel bad for him. He wanted whatever would make Iwaizumi happy, which meant he had to pretend to be fine right now. He bit his lip and replied.

- _Ok Iwa-chan. I'll ask you out first next time :3_

- _Shittykawa_

Oikawa threw his phone back on the bed as he began shaking with sobs. He would pretend to be fine and pretend he wasn't madly in love with his best friend. He would do whatever Iwaizumi wanted him to, and right now that meant concealing his feelings and pretending he didn't care for him as deeply as he did.

He clutched his stomach and fell over on the floor. The sun started peeking through the clouds as if mocking him. He still wanted to run into the waning rain. Run until he fell apart and then keep running.

Anything would be better than lying there playing the conversation over and over again in his mind until he finally cried himself to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This song makes me cry and this pairing makes me cry so hey why not put them together? This fic was inspired by Neptune by Sleeping at Last, and it's such an amazing song. Do yourself a favor and check it out. Hope you enjoyed!


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